When it comes to TV shows there are characters and then there are real characters, you know? And, when it comes to The Office, every one of their characters falls into the latter category of characters. All of the people on The Office are hilarious, and they all bring their own specific qualities and senses of humor to the series. While every single one of them is memorable and unique, Stanley Hudson is one character who has always occupied a special place in our hearts.
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10 “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.”
Not to start off this list by totally dissing Stanley Hudson, but it’s kind of shocking that someone as curmudgeonly and antisocial as Stanley has managed to find a wife, let alone multiple wives. It’s not that shocking that Stanley would be completely unwilling to apologize to someone unless he thinks he’s wrong, however, and it seems like a safe bet that Stanley thinks that he’s wrong in any given situation approximately 0% of the time.
But maybe he will eventually find a wife who can just deal with the fact that Stanley never says he’s sorry, or maybe Stanley can just move to Florida and live his best life alone.
9 “I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself.”
Leave it to Stanley to come up with such a colorful way of expressing something that literally every person on earth who has ever had a job has experienced at least once before. Stanley has the energy level and competitive nature of a turtle on morphine, but when Michael announces the beach day competition to claim his managerial job once it’s vacated, Stanley is immediately ready to throw down—hard.
And after years of suffering as one of Michael Scott’s employees, it’s pretty easy to understand why he’d be ready to shed blood in order to ensure he’s the king of the castle for the forseeable future.
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8 “I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today.”
Some diabetics might just eschew the cake eating in order to avoid danger… or at least find a sugar free option or something. Some people might say that not eating sugar when it could potentially kill you is the smart thing to do, but Stanley knows the truth. There is no need to stop living your best life just because it’s medically necessary.
When you’re living your life as an office drone where there are almost no joys in the work experience, then it’s important to find those little joys anywhere you can, and, just like Stanley demonstrates here, it’s important to be ready when happiness comes.
7 “I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don’t get sore too? Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?”
Well, there’s a lot of information to unpack here… so maybe we should just throw away the entire suitcase. Stanley constantly being hungry, having swollen ankles, and needing emergency assistance on a fairly regular basis is the kind of information that the normal human mind can handle, but sore nipples? Why? How? What sort of dark pact with the devil would cause such a bizarre physical side effect?
It’s no surprise that Stanley hates pregnant people because he seems to hate people in general, but perhaps he could be a little more empathetic with them since he understands their physical experience so deeply.
6 “You Are A Professional Idiot.”
Here’s a fun game to play, which employee of The Office is Stanley referring to when he said this classic Stanley quote? And question number two, does it even matter? If you guessed he was talking to Michael Scott, then you’d be right, but, realistically speaking, we all know that Stanley would say that to literally any person in the office.
Some people might ask themselves “well, then, if my boss is a professional idiot, then what does that make me?” However, no one would expect Stanley to delve into that kind of self-reflection, and he’s obviously content with just dragging everyone around him within an inch of their lives.
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5 “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse.”
Now there’s a lifestyle choice that we can get behind. Stanley Hudson may show zero regard for other people, for the world in general, or for his own physical health and well being, but this life motto explains why he seems to surrender to his every crotchety impulse at all times.
The Office understandably focuses on the experiences of the characters while they’re occupying the Dunder Mifflin offices, but it’s moments like these that make us wish that they had shown maybe just a glimpse of Stanley’s life outside of work. It sounds like it would have been a pretty wild ride.
4 “Newsflash: You are not special.”
If anyone was ever feeling too good about themselves, or even just feeling like an average person, they could always count on Stanley to cut them back down to size. Stanley is saying the harshest thing that comes into his mind pretty much every time he opens his mouth, and the fact that he’s so blase about it all makes him even more of a savage.
It must take a lot of self-confidence to spend a significant amount of time around someone like Stanley, and, if anyone who ever crossed Stanley’s path was hoping to hear a kind or encouraging word from him, disappointment would have been guaranteed.
3 “Do not care.”
Could three words sum up Stanley Hudson more than “do not care”? Well… yes, as you’ll see further on down the list. However, this is pretty peak Stanley too! There is not caring and then there is not caring, and if apathy had a mascot then it would likely be Stanley.
It seems like absolutely nothing can make him actually care about anything, and, even if the office was about to go up in flames, he would hardly look up from his crossword puzzle. Most people only wish they could be as apathetic as Stanley is, he is truly an icon of the I don’t give a damn ideology.
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2 “Boy Have You Lost Your Mind, Cause I’ll Help You Find It.”
Stanley doesn’t seem like the type of guy who is a fountain of witticisms, but when he was suddenly under the impression that Ryan was taking an overly-friendly interest in his underage daughter, he whipped out this classic Stanley line, along with a whole litany of dressing downs that scared the living daylights out of Ryan. It was honestly really nice to see.
Yes, Stanley screaming is absolutely terrifying, but, for most of Stanley’s tenure on The Office, it seemed like he literally could not even be paid to care about anything that was happening, so it was nice to see him get a little lively for once.
1 “Did I Stutter!?”
As one of the funniest side characters on The Office Stanley had plenty of iconic moments throughout the course of the series. But, if he will be remembered for one moment, it’s this one. Stanley barely tolerates Michael on the best of days, but when he was particularly not in the mood to deal with his antics he let out the classic “did I stutter?” In an interesting twist of events, after a long and awkward standoff throughout the episode, Stanley and Michael actually managed to come to some sort of a truce, and Stanley seemed content to treat Michael respectfully even if he doesn’t respect him.
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